Poly Therapist in Indianapolis, Indiana

There are a lot of directions we can take your therapy, and the path is unique to you.

We may start off focusing on communication and conflict problems in your polyamorous relationships, and then find that it is important and necessary to help you heal your trauma or manage your mental health in order to turn down the temperature in your conflicts and make it easier to talk with your partner(s) without things boiling over.

For many people who come to therapy for polyamory, they find that there are a lot of things “beneath the surface” that they want or need to address, which show up most prominently as “problems” in their relationships. But rather than “problems,” I like to look at these things as symptoms of a deeper hurt or a deeper need that has been left unaddressed. This could be anything from managing avoidant or anxious attachment styles, fear of abandonment, attachment wounding from breakups, worsening depression or anxiety, concerns about anger, addressing dysfunctional relationship styles, managing conflict, understanding how to set boundaries in a compassionate way, healing trauma from the past, finding healthier coping strategies, learning how to talk about needs, improving intimacy, and more.

As with any type of individual therapy, the things we talk about and the path we take toward your healing will depend on what is most important to you, what you need from the therapeutic space, and the steps we both take to get you there.

It’s common to be curious about how to know if you're polyamorous, and there is no easy answer to this question. For many people, there is an inner sense of “knowing” that they are polyamorous by nature, and others may have more hesitation or concern around what it means to be polyamorous, and whether they are or aren’t.

The truth is this: every person’s journey into, around, and through polyamory is unique. Some individuals find that it feels absolutely natural and comfortable to love and commit to multiple partners at once; others may find themselves drawn to the idea, but uncomfortable because of trauma, certain belief systems, self-judgment, confusion about how to manage multiple partnerships, or even just a sense of unfamiliarity with the concept of loving more than one person at a time.

Yes! Communication with your partner(s), discussing desires, talking about our needs, exploring relationship agreements and boundaries, and navigating difficult conversations in relationships are all things we can explore in therapy together.

While I am happy to occasionally involve any or all of your partners in our therapy sessions as a way to support your process and healing, I am not specifically trained as a relationship or couple’s therapist, and do not provide ongoing polyamory or non-monogamous couple’s counseling or multi-partner relationship counseling.

I am, however, more than happy to provide a list of names for therapists who specifically provide couples counseling, throuple’s counseling, and multi-partner therapy for relationship counseling and polycule counseling.

Ideally, you would work on your own individual healing journey in individual therapy with me, in tandem with a dedicated couple’s therapist who can help you and your partner(s) manage systemic concerns within your relationship. If you already have a relationship counselor and wish to work with me one-on-one, I am more than happy to establish an open line of communication with your relationship counselor (with your written permission, of course) to make sure I’m providing the best, most well-informed therapeutic experience for you as possible.

Yes! I am happy to occasionally invite partner(s) into the therapy space to act as a support for you in your journey, or to give you the space to address a particular subject with your partner(s) in a safe therapeutic container. However, as stated above, I don’t provide ongoing couple’s counseling or multi-partner relationship counseling—if you and your partner(s) need specific help for your relationship that can’t be addressed within the individual therapy space, I am happy to provide names for poly-friendly couple’s counselors who can work with you and your partner(s) together, while you and I continue our work in the individual space.

Please note that while I am happy to involve your partners in our sessions as needed, if I have reason to believe (or if you have told me) that your relationship with a partner or partners is emotionally or physically abusive, couple’s therapy is contraindicated (not suggested) and I will want to refer you to support or resources for intimate relationship abuse.

Absolutely! Whether you’re the Poly or Mono partner, there are many things to explore within therapy that can benefit your relationship. This might include addressing any anxiety, depression, or trauma triggers that arise from your relationship structure, sharpening your ability to communicate in a healthy and compassionate way, identifying and setting healthy boundaries, learning how to manage emotions like jealousy or sadness, and giving you space to explore your identity both within and outside of your relationship(s).

No! This is a common misconception that does not apply to ethical non-monogamy and polyamory, so long as all individuals involved are aware and consenting. However, it is important to note that even when all partners involved in ethical non-monogamy or polyamory are aware and consenting, it is still possible to “cheat” or violate relationship agreements, which is something that can be addressed in both couple’s counseling and in individual counseling. This is why it’s so important to understand your own needs, boundaries, desires, and expectations in your poly relationship, as well as the needs, boundaries, desires, and expectations for each of your partners. This also means learning how to navigate disagreements when they come up, and learning how to cope with the feelings that arise (fear, anger, sadness, insecurity) when an agreement is violated or when partners don’t agree with what we’re asking for.

Absolutely. Many people come from backgrounds that shame, judge, or question people who don’t fall into rigid categories or relationship styles, and this is certainly true for those who are polyamorous or non-monogamous. Additionally, trauma can make us more hesitant, scared, or overwhelmed when considering a relationship orientation such as non-monogamy or polyamory. In therapy with a poly-affirming counselor, you’ll find a space to explore your thoughts, desires, fears, hopes, and questions about polyamory. We can explore and address stressful, difficult, or traumatic events from your life that get in the way of exploring polyamory. We can also discuss ways to clearly and compassionately communicate what you need from partnerships while honoring each individual’s autonomy, needs, and boundaries.

Without a doubt. Jealousy is one of the biggest concerns for folks who are in polyamorous relationships or who are thinking about entering one, and understandably so. In therapy, we can talk about the constellation of emotions that make up jealousy—things like fear, anger, sadness, hurt, confusion, and insecurity—and explore ways to manage each of those emotions when they come up. We can normalize the experience of jealousy without self-judgment or judgment of partners, and learn ways to communicate needs, boundaries, emotions, and desires to minimize the impact of jealousy on relationships in the long-run.